I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
