Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
