so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
