FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
