Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
