I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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