it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
