We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
