You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
