did you get engaged???
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
operation harelip BJ is a go
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
