I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
