chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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