i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
