Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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