it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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