im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
