Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
