I am in a vortex of obligation.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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