P.S. I can't hear my feet
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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