just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
