I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
