Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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