Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
