dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize