I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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