I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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