You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I can't turn off my feet"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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