I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
