I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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