I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
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I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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