you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
