True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
