do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
