I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
