I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize