47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
