Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
