I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
