I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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