This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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