The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
