uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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