I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You ate ashes out of my bong
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
