She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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