I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
