pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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