should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
