Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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