someone threw a dead crab at me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
