Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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