my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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