And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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