I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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