I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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