i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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