so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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