This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
