god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
