In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i've created a new STD.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
