She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
