i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
