Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
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My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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