I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
