If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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