come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
