Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Randomize
